Day 209

Almost started periods. Almost finished Goldfinch. Almost ended marriage. Finished Jane.

12 hours later. All the wrong things. Then 12 more hours. More wrong things. Still I waited in some sort of hope. Eventually when I opened my mouth what came out wasn't me moving to basement. It was me moving out. And now the bullet has been fired and can't be taken back. And im house hunting. And still hoping. Which is how I know I have to go for real. 

How do signs turn into omens, blessings into curses, 1st anniversary bryan adams into separation bryan adams.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 171

Early start. Walk, lake, kayak, sunshine after ages. The kindness of weather gods and people who cater to those that need it with pancakes, burgers, potatoes, popsicles and spicy margs. No one over heated, no one got bitten to bits, although two of us got overstimulated, one with fomo, the other with exhaustion. I will remember it for so many cuddles and so many moments of precious love and belonging. When we dropped the leashes and went inside the cottage and closed the door and still he stood his ground and watched and whined, certain in his assessment that he knew he held the cards. When he got off beds and set aside cooling mats and comfort to sit by our side and be within scratching distance. None as special as spooning in a queen bed at a log cabin enveloped by the gentle hum and soothing breeze of oscillating fans, moths fluttering in the semi darkness, a little puppy heart beating in rhythm against a squished arm, breathing in the dusty scent of his warm double coat and listeni...
Read more

Day 21

Started thinking this on the walk. Thought I would write it then. And make these be a collection of scribbles through the day that I publish at the end of the day. But ofcourse I didnt, so here is the recap. Every single day when Crae goes for his walk, he is so intentional. So decisive. Knows exactly which way he wants to turn or which neighborhood or street or bush or field he wants to explore that day. Ofcourse he is also constantly stopping to smell the proverbial roses and open to changing his course depending on the path that smells more interesting, so there is something to be noticed about the way his explorations are equal parts intentional and spontaneous. Dang, so many things to emulate with this child! In other news - good spirits, good energy, frankly some good deep sleep. My brain on almost 2 back to back days of decent sleep. OCDd the judgy santa markers. Cleaned the kitchen. Decided to treat myself to an afternoon movie - today's feature, Wodehouse In Exile, a remin...
Read more