Day 184

More bed, more tv, more pain. Eventually spotting flow, while pooping, as has become typical. Shower. Surprise goodies from kupfert and kim, slowly killing me with silence and junk food. 8 am ultrasound tomorrow, then therapy. What to tell Brad. How to tell him its one step forward, several back each time. How to tell him what ive never yet verbalised. How to tell him about the silence thats gonna be the end of me. 

Then AA tomorrow evening, to record videos in our quaint and cozy house. The house of unhappiness that no one else can sense. More farcical socialisation. At least all torture at once. At least music videos should be automatic conversation topic. 

Also this haircut is just fatness exposed.

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