Day 124

The kind of day when the physical exhaustion is only outdone by the mental.

So much for best laid plans. Everything that could go wrong did. Everything was half done. A lovely springy friday when boy was "off work" that should have felt productive and successful, ended up feeling fracturing and frustrating. 

Started with debates and reluctance last night. Then chaos one after another. A meagre 20 ml pee, that might require a follow up. A very public and embarrassing Mexican standoff with cray crae, costing 2.5 hours for his bath. A massive throw up in the car from Kiko, covering everything in puke, including himself. In hindsight thank heavens we weren't able to bathe him prior. A beautiful nursery trip, what a happy discovery, followed by many, many, many mistakes made in planting, including a yet unplanned serviceberry. All the good things that should feel amazing, but feel blah. One productive HD spot and a wood plank reinforcement on the fence Crae destroyed, but job half done, more planks needed. And basically a constant undertone of sniping and arguing and draining each others energies between boy and I, whether in anger or hunger or just frustration. Nada on finances. Another postponement. So basically going to bed tonight with nothing ticked off, but me. R100 done, somehow, but skipped bouncing. And have to muster up the willpower to commute for 5 hours for the 3 hour tree session tomorrow. 

How to fix this. How to reach out and change, if not him then myself. To be better with each other. To make it lighter, not heavier. How to do it. 

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