Day 31

3 fears I am naming for today:
- the silence continues
- the rotting continues
- regret for all this could be instead

5 things that feel possible as of today:
- that I give in again, likely by tmrw 
- consistency with R100
- that I dont give in and we all live and die in silence
- more wasted time
- lots of regrets

3 intentions for my time tomorrow:
- walk home from coffee date
- look nice, make an effort
- swallow pride. Again. 

4 comfort routines today:
- couch
- pizza
- wine
- binge reality tv

3 first steps i can take tomorrow:
- break the silence
- resume 3M
- do it earlier instead of wasting the day

5 things that help me feel grounded
- 

Why am i sitting here doing this when I should be over there doing that? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with him? What is wrong with us? Why cant i be the bigger person? Why does he have to make me feel so small? Im just going to do it sadly. Coz there is no other way. He will not do it. So this is just going to go on for all eternity. I have to just go do it. Sucking. It. Up. 

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