Day 29

3 things I want to start
- sleeping
- learning
- exercising 

5 habits I want to build
- going to bed at the same time
- waking up at the same time
- hydrating till clear pee
- regular workouts 
- mindfulness

3 lessons from 2025
- dont over stay
- live for today 
- trust the universe

4 things that help me reset 
- cray crae snuggles
- music
- being out in the cold
- shower

3 small goals for this month
- regular walks
- good books and movies
- better eating

5 things that energize me
- adding value
- learning 
- new experiences
- meaningful conversations
- quality time with boy and dogs

Decided to give this activity some more substance, over and above the daily mundanities. Hopefully someday my brain will start firing with inspiration again and I won't need crutches, but that day isnt expected any time soon, so opted for this journaling challenge. Rather sad questions, expect repetitive responses and massive recency bias. Halo / horn effect? One or all of the above. 

I wonder if i should write this from the pov of who I used to be. Or the pov of who I hope to become. Or perhaps the pov of a fictionalised stranger with much more interesting thoughts.

Alternatively I might write it from the pov of the absolute immediate few days / weeks. Cant think much in months or years at this point sadly. 

Ofcourse another idea would be to stop overthinking and just word vomit whatever comes up each day. Right. Like today. Okay.

In other news - beautiful walk moment again. A moment of - unresistingly, without hesitating, with no analysis paralysis or worry or concern, for atleast a few minutes each day, let the dog take the reins. Let him lead you to where its best for you to go right now, here, in this moment. Let him do it sometimes slowly, sometimes enthusiastically, let him meander and stop to give the bushes a good sniff, let him light up with the discovery of an inviting scent and urge and pull with some intent. Let him splash through puddles and uncaring, slide across mud, let him wade belly deep in pristine snow and knot himself in fuzzy burrs as he tangles himself in a dried bush. Let him be unfettered and untethered and incandescent enough for both of you. Let him be fearless, and maybe one day you may be fearless like him too. 

Ofcourse this only applies if the dog in question is Mr. Crae. 

Its not inspiration driven. Its pain. The hurt of another day gone. All these seconds, minutes, hours - flowing mercilessly down the drain. No one cares. Enough. No one cares enough.

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