Day 4

Bad day. As expected. Slept late and barely. Albeit after some top notch chatgpting. Woke up anxious and exhausted. Learnt shovel gate happened again. More anxiety, full blown panic. Hour+ of Freeze. Showered, breathed, tapped. Talked. Went. Lump in throat. Pretended. More pretending. Loud, fake, frequent giggling. Endless pretending. Finally ended. Got home. More anxious and exhausted. Laundry. Dishes. Spice refills. TV. CBD. CBN. Late night binge. Overfullness. Black, foul, sticky poop. Self loathing. Shame spiral. Gah.

Goodnight gratitude break. Sad sad.

Plus side - so nice to have AA back. Kiddo picked 4th grade nothing. Such a pretty house. Bahamian rum cake. Boy. Mom at maasis. Dogs and snow. Journaling. Tomorrow. 

Tomorrow - shovel. Walk. Eat lots of desserts. Kick off money mission. Groceries. Eat lots of pizza. Read. Knit. 

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