Day 3

Today was nice, and also like pulling teeth.

Dog walk done, one by one for each of them which unlocked a new level of pleasure for each walk and a combined total 7k steps, including several that were heavy winter boots trudging through deep snow. I love playful, happy, cuddle bug, curious kiko, with his gentle loose leash walks, completely uninfluenced by the bullying of his brother. And I love the bully, so demanding, so clear and decisive, so very smart and sentient, nothing fools him until something does and then his comical efforts at right sizing his error just melt my little heart away. 

Some good tv time, spanning the spectrum from reality show finals to possible Shakespeare adaptations to new levels of panic and awe and cowardice unlocked by watching live free solo climbs of some skyscraper in Taipei. Ended up soaked in sweat, but thawed the recently formed ice at the idea of talking about our life lists. Eventually got there over a nightcap of potent red wine and excavated such gems as building and designing a house from scratch, seeing a blue whale underwater, learning to golf, living in Europe and experiencing space travel. Woah. Also unearthed the usual meandering will-text-friends-twice-a-year and spread-butterfly-effects-of-niceness and be-a-better-husband after much prodding. 

But we'll call this all progress. All except the 3 hours lost to argument and silence. And be grateful for the gift of new aspirations. A goal set is the first step of progress.

So grateful for therapy. Urgent nudge from the universe to be this person for someone. 

Speaking of - I fear I will need alot of therapy for tomorrow. Deeply nervous / reluctant. Not sure whether to deflect / declare. Not sure if I anticipate discussion or debate. So very nervous. Expecting a day of artifice and awkwardness, the main things I would like to avoid in the beta phase of my new life. 

Help, universe.
 

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