Day 10

In all ways that count, it was a gorgeous saturday, with much to be grateful for.

I want to remember it, not for the dazed wake up after a harrowing dream filled night, a long tense phonecall with the mom about a future rife with uncertainty, a poopy PMSy push to drag an achy sore spotting body out for a walk, an afternoon conversation tolerating being D's best shot at landing a job and being the star of summersides last gossip session, emotionless binge max with cookies, fries, poppers, pizza, cakesters and enough stash for several months ahead, 9+ hours of uninterrupted sitting and screens, and an undercurrent of involuntary rising panic behind every delayed arrival from grocery run, unexpected phone buzz, upcoming business trip.

I want to remember it instead for - wanting to stay up to read another chapter, getting atleast a few hours of sleep, waking up to a day awash with sunshine, seeing a coyote scamper across the snow laden ravine, long reflective productive adult conversations albeit done lightly, the providence of well timed and perfectly positioned poops on a meditative vitamin D buffet of a walk, a partner who noticed and was steadfastly on my side, the timeless lessons gleaned from casual viewings of a nondescript tv show from 2003, burdenous secrets that when owned become other people's to carry, couples who put each other first ahead of the world, futures that are more exciting for being up in the air, furry babies and husbands that double as blankets on extra cold days, nightly gladness and love.

There will be good days and bad days, but most of all there will be good and bad days. 

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